


How it could have happened

by queerladies



Category: Big Brother RPF, RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Andrew Brady - Freeform, CBB, Celebrity Big Brother, Courtney Act - Freeform, I Tried, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I hope no one I know ever sees this, M/M, Other, RuPaul's, RuPaul's Drag Race - Freeform, Shadrew, Shandrew, Why Did I Write This?, its a mess..sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-13
Updated: 2018-03-13
Packaged: 2019-03-30 19:03:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13958013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queerladies/pseuds/queerladies
Summary: We all saw something between Courtney and Andrew right? Some of us even saw something between Shane and Andrew. So I hope you'll forgive this jumbled up fic of shit written at 3am because I can't get these two out of my head. There isn't enough FF about these two so I thought I make some for all of us.





	How it could have happened

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know, just enjoy it and there might be more to come. xx

Shane wasn’t sure if it was something he did or if he was just in his own little world today but Andrew had been keeping his distance. Ever since his narrow escape from elimination the previous night it seemed he had made a point of sharing his time with everyone in the house rather than being joined at the hip with Shane all day. It wasn't until he went out to sit with him and Wayne in the smoking area and Andrew got up to leave almost instantly mumbling something about it being time for a shower that Shane started to worry maybe he had done something. 

“Is he alright?” Wane asked as soon as Andrew was out of ear shot. “I was just wondering the same thing myself, he seems a little off right?” Shane replied. “Perhaps he is just a little shaken up after eliminations last night.” But there was a knowing twinkle in Waynes eye that confused Shane and although he wanted to question it, he thought better of it. The idea that possibly he could have done something to put Andrew off playing in his mind. 

Shane was usually a positive person, he believed in positive thinking and not getting hung up on any one thing for too long. Especially if it caused any feeling of self doubt or shame, having experienced enough of that in his lifetime. However there was something about Andrew that got under his skin and as much as he hated to admit it, there were feelings brewing inside that no amount of life experience or ‘you’ve been down this road before, Courtney and it only ends in heartbreak’ mantras could conquer. 

So after chatting with Wayne in the smokers area reliving the ‘glory days’ of their early twenties Shane decided to head to the bedroom to sit and meditate whilst the others pottered about in the main living areas. It was often hard to find some quiet time in the house where he wouldn’t be interrupted and now seemed like the perfect moment. 

As Shane entered the bedroom he spotted Andrew over near their bed shuffling around in his wardrobe looking rather flustered for his usually composed self. His head whipped around to see who had entered the room, as soon as his eyes locked with Shanes he quickly turned the other way to avoid eye contact. “Are you alright?” Shane asked rather softly. “Yeah bud, whys that?” he responded sharply as he continued rifling around in his clothes. “You just seem a little off is all…maybe even a little pissed off or something?” Shane hesitantly muttered. “I'm all good. Promise” but his tone was too high and his words still to punctual for Shane to believe him so he decided to make his approach. 

“Last night was scary, I would've gone nuts in this place without my partner in crime.” Shane said as he threw himself rather dramatically onto the bed. Andrew’s lips curled up at that and Shane could tell he had at least cracked through the layer of ice that had formed around them. 

When Andrew didn't reply Shane stayed quiet for a while, still analysing him and trying to make sense as to what had caused this dramatic shift in Andrews usually warm and charming demeanour. After sometime Andrew was still pulling clothes out left right and centre, the smile had left his face and he looked almost panicked as he fiddled. “What are you looking for in there? You look more frantic than the queens on challenge day.”

Andrews head whipped around and he shuffled nervously on the spot. “I feel really weird, I don't know how to explain it..must just be from living in this crazy house for so long now.” Shane had to admit, he knew what Andrew was talking about. Enough time had now past that the days were all running together and the last news he’d heard from the outside was so long ago that he felt he was losing touch with reality. “I feel like that a bit too, this place is a strange situation to begin with let alone after a few weeks.”

Shane thought he had gotten the problem out but Andrew still seemed to be somewhere else, barely acknowledging Shanes response. It wasn’t until Andrew took a sharp stuttered breath and curled his fists up by his side that Shane clued in on what was going on. Anxiety. Andrew was two steps away from a full blown panic attack and for some reason it had taken him this long to realise. Rising calmly as not to add to the stress of the situation Shane grabbed the forearm of Andrews sweater and pulled him into the toilet. Turning the taps on and removing both their microphones while Andrew seemed off in another world, his mind going a mile a minute. 

“Take a deep breath ok” Shane said quietly and while Andrew appeared to be trying his best the small gasp he sucked in was quickly followed by more. Shane grabbed his hands and held them to his chest. “Your ok, slow it down and focus on me, ok?” “I know its scary but you've just got to refocus, listen to me talking and concentrate on that” While Andrew didn’t seem to come back to himself, he at least seemed to have slowed his roll toward panic town. 

After another minute or so of gentle reassurances, Andrew seemed to comeback to reality. “Im sorry, I don't know where that came from” he rushed out as soon as he could find the breath. “Don't you dare be sorry” Shane replied sternly. “Its ok to be overwhelmed, especially in extreme situations like this but know that I’ve got you ok. When you need me i’ll be here.” Andrew didn't reply, dipping his head visibly exhausted from the whole ordeal. 

“Come on, lets go find some blankets and you can have a smoke” Shane said rubbing his hands up and down Andrews forearms soothingly.

…

Later that night after the rest of the house had gone off to bed Shane and Andrew sat still cuddled up under the shelter of the smokers area as the rain fell gently around them. The had themselves wrapped up in several blankets from around the house and while neither one of them had said anything in quite sometime they were both content. 

It was Andrew who broke the silence first “About what happened earlier…” “Shhh you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” Shane cut in before Andrew could give himself away, it was just too easy sometimes to forget that you were constantly being filmed. 

“I know but I’m scared that if I don’t address it now then its going to get worse." Shane looked at him with compassion in his eyes. “Plus its not like I have anything to be ashamed of right?’ Andrew replied rather unsure but forcing the words out none the less. 

Shane couldn’t believe it, like he didn't already have enough respect for Andrew at his ability to live outside of social norms and yet here he goes, plowing his was though another vulnerability with little to no fear of how he would be perceived. “Of course not, I’ve stared down a few panic attacks in my lifetime too.” Shane replied. “It’s pretty fucking terrifying, I’ve never experienced that before.” Andrew murmured as he stared straight ahead. 

“How are you feeling now?” the blonde asked. “Like I ran a marathon…but much calmer than before so thats good, I guess.” Andrew replied. “Anything in particular that your worried about or are you just overwhelmed by it all at the moment” “I mean yeah, I’ve been overthinking some things..." Andrew trailed off as Shane sat there patiently waiting for him to put his thoughts into words. After several moments passed and the Brit hadn’t continued, Shane tried again. “Is it something you don’t want to talk about in here?” “Not necessarily, its not that I don’t want to, its just that I'm not sure how to I guess?”

“Thats fair, I’m here when your ready. No rush.” Shane responded “It's just..”Andrew cut in straight away. “There is something I want to put into words but I don’t know if i’m exactly ready to deal with the aftermath of it all” he finished cryptically. Shane tilted is head quizzically at that as if to say he’s not sure he fully understands but to go on. 

The Brit took a moment to compose himself as he gathered his thoughts he sat up straighter and took his arm from around Shane’s back causing the blonde to sit up as well. Andrew turned his head to face Shane before he slowly began speaking. 

“Do you know how long people have given me shit for being gay? Like my whole life I guess I’ve always had a bit of a camp vibe and people always felt the need to comment on it, or try to taunt me with it. While it didn't bothered me most of the time, there were times were it got to be a bit much but I just never wanted to let someone else hate, turn me into a person of hate.” Andrew paused for a moment looking down to his hands again. Shane sat patiently wondering where he was going with this. Had his friendship with Andrew brought back some long repressed memories? ‘No wonder he's been putting distance between us, with the way the other housemates have been carrying on.’ Shane thought. 

“Even when people said those things to me I never really gave the actual implications of them a second thought. Like, I knew I was straight, I had girlfriends, I liked girls.” Andrew said exasperated. “Oh trust me, I know you do” the blonde chirped back. “But I honestly never stopped to think that maybe there was some truth to what people said.” Andrew replied without making eye contact. It took Shane a moment to reply, he was busy trying to shove the volcano of hope that had just burst in his chest back down in order to remain impartial and a good friend in what was clearly a stressful time for the Brit. 

“Sexuality has nothing to do with how others perceive you, or how others feel you should be. Its yours. Your the only one who can define it, your the only one who can know what it is to be you.” Shane stated firmly.

“I get that, I guess I just shut that door in my mind one day and decided that was that..but then you came along and then I kept walking up to that same door, staring at it, then walking away again.” Andrew wasn’t usually one for drawn out metaphors but he didn’t know how else to verbalise his experience. “Then after last nights evictions for some reason I decided to just walk right up and fling it open. Like I’ve been sitting in this house talking about how comfortable I am in my sexuality and all I could think was, I'm so deceitful.” He paused, clearly frustrated that he wasn’t expressing himself clearly.

Shane had been silently nodding along, trying to hold the Brits eye contact for more than a split second in the hope of getting some kind of read on where this was heading but still too unsure to allow himself to hope just yet. “So whats no the other side of this door?” Shane gently prodded

A long sigh followed by a deep breath and Andrew tried to answer. “Some pretty fucking terrifying shit if I'm being honest” Shane could clearly see Andrew was starting to get overwhelmed again and as much as he wanted to put a stop to whatever was coming next he knew that he had to let him get it out, because if this was what Shane thought it was, he knew all too well the torture of having to hold that in. 

“Why is this so confronting? I am the least homophobic person you’ll ever meet, why can’t I face this?" Andrew asked desperately. “Because its never been personal before. Because seeing someone else face hate and shame for something you know they cant control is very different to having to face that when its you who is the one with it all on the line. You have to learn to make peace with the fact that how people will see you, is not something you can control and while you may not be able to comprehend why people are so hateful, your smart enough to want to protect yourself from it.” Shane replied trying his best to explain something that most of the population can’t understand, simply because you can't understand it until you’ve lived it. Until you've been the ‘other’ that people are so adverse to. 

Andrew was quiet for a moment, clearly digesting what was just said to him. As Shane patiently waited for him to find his feet again he was still wrestling with that “hope volcano” inside, trying with all his might to stop himself from getting carried away with the thought that Andrew fucking Brady might be coming out to him, and the rest of the world, at this very moment. 

“I guess what I’m trying to say is that I know, despite all the shit I’ve talked about me being straight, that I without a doubt have feelings for you. I don’t mean just Courtney I mean all of you, the Shane parts too and while I don’t really know what that means in the bigger picture. I just know that I had to fucking get it out because I thought it was going to eat me alive otherwise.”

Shane didn’t respond right away, but his eyes were a little shiny and he had a grin from ear to ear as he stared at Andrew happily. “Fuck you’re too cute, you know that right.” the blonde eventually spat out.  
Andrew laughed a throaty laugh in response and looked down self-consciously.

They didn't speak much for the rest of that night. They just sat, cuddled up until the heard to calling of the dawn chorus before crawling into bed.


End file.
